You may have seen on social media that I mentioned having some news, and while it may not be the news I’m sure some of you were hoping for [especially after I took shot glass confessional out of print], this is that news—I have asked my publisher, Andrews McMeel Publishing, for a reversion of rights for my first two books—DROPKICKromance and masquerade—and they’ve kindly granted that request. Before I get any further into this, however, I want to first extend my gratitude to Andrews McMeel Publishing, and those I worked with within the company, for taking a chance on me—a relatively unknown writer—back in 2017 and making a dream of mine come true by signing me to my first [and later, my second] book deal. Though things didn’t work out in the end, I am forever grateful for the opportunities given to me.
I’ve been trying to write this for like, the last week or so, and it’s been extremely difficult because I’m prone to rambling and oversharing, and I didn’t want this to end up looking like one of my LiveJournal entries from the early 2000s—which is to say that I didn’t want to look back at this years later with regret and embarrassment. It was important that I took the time to carefully think through what I wanted to say and how I wanted to articulate it, while still maintaining a level of transparency, and I think I’ve managed to do that. I even used capital letters here, so you know I’m being serious!
There wasn’t one specific thing that brought me to this decision—it was more like a culmination of many things with a specific trigger moment in which I realized that this was the best option going forward. When it comes down to it, neither DROPKICKromance nor masquerade met expectations. In the case of DROPKICKromance, the book was initially expected to do so well that it went into a second printing before it even hit store shelves. It was exciting news at the time, especially as the shock that I was even being published had yet to wear off, but only about six months after publication date, I learned that the book was getting returned by stores in massive quantities. For those who don’t know all the in-and-outs of traditional publishing, stores will order however many copies of a book they expect to sell, and whatever they don’t sell, they can send back to the publisher and recoup the money spent. So, even though people were buying my book [which I am so, so grateful for], it wasn’t selling nearly as many copies as expected, and ultimately, over half of what was printed went unsold.
masquerade on the other hand, suffered a slightly different fate. Because of what happened with DROPKICKromance, masquerade didn’t get the same store placements my first book had, and as a result, only sold a fraction of what DROPKICKromance sold. I don’t think I was ever told how many copies were printed, but I do know it wasn’t meeting expectations either. masquerade’s failure was an especially personal blow to me, because it was the book of my heart and soul. Not only did I feel that it was my magnum opus, or great work, but it was the first time I publicly wrote about my struggles with gender identity and figuring out that I was non-binary. I like to think of it as my “coming out” book.
Even though my dream of being published had come true [not once, but twice], even though thousands of people believed in me and my poetry enough to spend their hard-earned money on something I created, even though I was fortunate enough to meet and connect with hundreds of amazing readers in person at various events, with two underperforming books to my name, I felt like a complete and utter failure. 2019 was an awful mental health year for me for a few reasons, but the seemingly swift death of my writing career was definitely a contributing factor. I had a very difficult time seeing how to move forward after watching my great work become my second great flop, and I regretfully became very jaded. It was tough, but once I worked through all the baggage I was hanging onto, I came out on the other side more motivated than ever. The result? coffee days whiskey nights, released by Central Avenue Publishing in 2020, which went on to be my most successful book to date.
Fast forward to June of 2022, as I was updating my website, I made the unfortunate discovery that DROPKICKromance, while still available online, wasn’t being carried in any stores, and masquerade wasn’t available anywhere but the Barnes & Noble website. Even on Amazon, new copies of masquerade were only being sold by third party resellers, and for twice the retail price. Coupled with the fact that zero copies of masquerade have been sold to retailers in at least six months, it led me to believe that at least one of my books were entirely out of print. This was that trigger moment I referred to at the beginning of this.
I started going back and forth with myself so many times about whether a reversion of rights would be worth it—and that’s only if my publisher agreed to it. Did I really want my first two books to become completely inaccessible to readers? I didn’t, but at the same time, it seemed like they were already headed on that path. Not only that, but trying to promote my work became increasingly frustrating. With TikTok’s rise, essentially becoming the platform to share your work on, I now had the chance to reach a brand-new audience of people who likely have never even heard of me. Does it then become a waste of time and energy to share work from books that people can’t walk into a bookstore and pick up? Or, in masquerade’s case, even order online?
As difficult of a decision as it was to make, it also couldn’t have been any clearer to me that this is what I needed to do. So, I reached out to my publisher, both to ask about the print status of my books and inquire about a reversion of rights. Although I never got an answer about the print status, I did get an answer about the reversion of rights, and as of October 31st, 2022, the rights of both DROPKICKromance and masquerade become mine again. October never fails to be a significant month for me!
Now, what about shot glass confessional? The decision to unpublish shot glass confessional actually came after I had already reached out to my publisher about the rights to my first two books. I hadn’t received a response from them yet, but I knew I wanted to take shot glass confessional out of print regardless. The biggest reason behind that decision was that, as of writing this, I am over seven months sober, and something about having two books with alcohol-themed titles wasn’t sitting well with me. At least in the case of coffee days whiskey nights, I painted a nuanced picture about my relationship with alcohol, showing how ugly one’s vices can be. With shot glass confessional, there was none of that nuance. While I stand by the work in the book, I didn’t feel as if the title represented who I am, or how I want to present myself anymore.
I now find myself in a unique situation where I’ll soon have two books worth of older material available to me [plus the contents shot glass confessional] that I get to revise and rerelease in some way. I have the opportunity to polish them up real nice, breathe new life into them, and make them accessible in a way they haven’t been in a while. And, I have the chance to see my old work republished under the name Parker Lee, which is something I’ve been dreaming about ever since I filed the paperwork for my name change. I’ve actually been toying around with an idea involving these older poems, and I’m super excited about it—perhaps the most excited I’ve been about a writing project in a very long time. I’m not ready to share anything about that idea just yet, but if you’re subscribed to my Substack, you’ll be among the first to know about it!
I know this was a bit lengthy [still not as long as the other version, though!], so if you made it to the end, you’re literally the best and I thank you for giving me your time. I feel that transparency in publishing is important, and even though talking about some of the lowest points I’ve experienced as a writer is an incredibly difficult thing for me to do, I owe it to all of you who’ve supported me over the years. I am forever grateful for all of you, and I hope you’ll stick around to see what comes next!
Thanks for being here.
—Parker
proud <3
Super proud of you! you are one of my favorite poets and I am excited to see what you do in the future your also truly inspiring to a fellow non-binary those poems made me feel seen 💜